May 22
by Candykaykay2001
Summary: May 22 is a day Nate mourns alone. Yet maybe he won't have to hold the burden any longer when he friends come to the rescue. Warning: Rated T for slash, death, and a small cuss word at the end.


**Hi everyone! Here's a random idea I had. I will be using my OC named Brady and this does have slash and mentions of someone dying. If you don't like that type of thing then I suggest you hit the back button right now**

 **I don't own Big Nate**

… **...**

I curled us against my pillow warm, wet tears streaming down my face as I tried not to release the sobs racking my body. I brought the covers over my head and put the pillow in front of my face releasing a loud, heart wrenching sob and a loud scream muffled by the pillow.

It wasn't fair.

Why did he leave me?

What did he do or matter a fact I did to deserve this?

I coughed violently gripping my chest tightly still crying. My heart felt like it was breaking in two and there was nothing I could do to mend it back together.

Bringing the pillow away from my face, I sniffled and checked my bedside clock.

 _5:00 A.M_

I never can sleep on this date. I always end up having nightmares and crying until I either fall asleep or I cough so violently I might throw up because of it.

I sighed sniffling. I don't want to go to school. My head felt all cloudy and I just didn't have the energy. I closed my eyes a couple tears escaping as I buried my face into the now cold and wet pillow.

I wish he was still with me.

… **...**

 _ **1 Hour Later**_

I groaned and hit my alarm clock as it beeped all across my room. I sighed and rubbed my irritated eyes burying my face a little farther into the pillow not making any move to get up.

A few miniutes later I heard my dad open the door and turn the light on. His light footsteps pattered quietly against the carpeted floor until he made it to my bed making the mattress dip down from his weight.

" Nate you have to go to school."

I shook my head and squeezed my pillow harder. " No."

I heard him sigh. " Nate I'm sorry. I usually would let you stay home on this day, but your sister is at school and I have something to do today so I can't leave you at home by yourself. Plus you've missed to much school as it is."

My lip quivered and I lifted red rimmed eyes to my fathers and glared at him. " I'm not going."

He gave me a stern look. " I know your emotional and I know you don't want to, but you have too. You can't spend a week away from school every year because of this. You need to move on. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Nate, but you have too. I promise this will benefit you for the better."

I glared at him with everything I had and swung my feet over the bed. Narrowing my eyes I hissed at him. " Fine."

I stomped toward my dresser drawer and angrily started throwing clothes onto the floor not really noticing what I was doing.

Then I realized my dad hadn't moved from his spot yet. I turned my head looking at him annoyed.

" You know he wouldn't want you sitting here crying over him. He would want you living your life to the fullest." he said looking at me with sadness in his eyes.

I looked down clutching my shirt in my hands. My knuckles were turning stark white and I whispered harshly. " Get out."

He sighed and slowly walked toward the door. I heard the knob click and the door creak open. " Just think about what I said."

Then he left.

Tears bubbled to the surface and I quickly wiped them away changing into my school clothes and quickly running to the bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't help but wince at my appearance. My eyes were ringed with black bags and were red from crying and my face was pale with dried tears staining my cheeks.

I quickly turned on the tap setting it to the coldest setting. Reaching my hands under I cupped some water in my hands and splashed it on my face.

Wiping my face quickly with a towel and brushed my teeth and put on deodorant. Quickly grabbing my backpack from my bedroom, I walked downstairs slowly and walked out the front door without so much as a goodbye to my dad and breakfast. I wasn't that hungry anyway.

It was warm out and I cursed the sun for being so bright and cheerful on such a sad day. It should be raining. The world should be mourning.

I know I was.

I didn't even realize when no more then fifteen minutes later I made it to my school P.S 118. I walked toward the entrance doors and walked inside realizing immediately I was early.

Well considering I had no where else to go, I headed to the library. I needed the piece and quiet.

I reached the library and slowly pushed open the doors shutting them closed with a loud bang.

I heard footsteps approach me. Mrs Hickison stood with a smile on her face, but I could she was surprised to see me this early.

" Well hello Nate. How are you this morning?" she asked.

I wanted to snap at her and tell her I'm not okay and to leave me alone, but I know she was just trying to be nice so I forced a smile on my face.

" I'm doing fine Mrs Hickison." I couldn't help but want to shudder at how fake my voice sounded.

She smiled. " That's great Nate. Well I'll leave you to your business. Have a nice day Nate."

I nodded. " You too Mrs H."

She turned around and left. Sighing, I made my way through the quiet, musty library to the beanbag chairs.

Once I reached them, I sat in a blue beanbag with a soft "flop" melting into the fabric.

It was then I remembered something.

 **December 15. 2:00 P.M**

 _The air was chilly and the clouds were gray as my feet crunched along the soft but firm snow._

" _Beautiful isn't it?"_

 _I turned my head to smile at the boy beside me as I slowly swung our hands back and forth._

" _Yeah it is." I whispered._

 _We were both silent until I felt something cold slick down my back making me shiver uncontrollably as I shrieked patting my back down._

 _I heard him laugh as I turned to glare at him. He was doubled over tears streaming down his pale face that happened to be contorted into a smile as he laughter pierced the air._

 _I narrowed my eyes and bent down scooping a mound of snow in my hand. Patting down until it made a ball, I stood up and without a moments hesitation chucked it at Brady's head._

 _I watched it sail in the air until it reached it's intended target. It smacked him in the face with a soft "plop" and his laughter died in his throat. It was silent for all but a minute until Brady wiped the snow from his face and swiveled his green eyes gaze toward me grinning mischievously._

 _He ran toward me picking me up spinning around. I screamed in delight and laughed pounding on his back._

" _Let me go!" I shouted yet he knew I didn't mean it because of how much I was laughing._

 _He stopped spinning and stumbled around dizzily until he fell onto the snow pulling me along with him._

 _I landed on top of him while his arms rested around my waist. I blushed. Our noses were only inched apart._

 _I could see every detail of his face. His freckles that lightly dotted his nose. His mole on his right cheek. The way his nose pointed outward almost touching mine. The way his cheeks poked out. His beautiful emerald green eyes that just stared into my blue eyes. And then his smile. Lord his smile. Perfect teeth. Dazzling. And yet that's not what I saw. It was how friendly he looked. How kind. And how he made me weak in the knees when he directed it towards me._

 _I smiled._

 _He smiled wider._

 _Then we leaned forward._

 _Our lips brushed each other._

 _It took a minute, but Brady finally closed the distance between us and I gasped._

 _It was like electricity._

 _Pure electricity that spread throughout my veins making me shiver with delight._

 _I pressed my lips to his._

 _This must be what love feels like._

 **End of Flashback**

I snapped out of the memory when the bell rang. Tears had sprung to my eyes yet the weirdest thing was I was smiling too. That had always been a happy memory for me. That was my first kiss. With anyone. It was _amazing._ The my smile dropped and I stood up trying to push back the burning feeling in my eyes. Yet I wouldn't be able to relive that. Only in my memories. And even then it wouldn't be the same.

I sighed and raced out of the library in a bad mood as I made my way to Mrs Godfrey's class. I opened the door and shuffled to my seat laying my head down. I ignored the loud chattering of everyone around me while also trying not to trigger another memory.

I didn't need to cry in class. I didn't need people making fun of me. Especially today.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I rubbed my eyes looking to see who had disturbed the little bit of peace I had managed to obtain.

It was Francis.

I tried to force a smile onto my face,but I felt it came off as more of a grimace so I just made my face relax and looked at him with tired eyes.

"Hey Francis what's up?" I asked leaning my head on my hand.

He looked at me concerned. " Are you okay? You look really tired."

I nodded. "Yeah Francis I'm fine." I felt bad for lying straight through my teeth, but I didn't need them interfering with something I had been dealing with alone ever since...

I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath. Let's not think about it. I don't need another break down today. Especially in school.

He raised an eyebrow but luckily didn't question me any further. " Well get more sleep then. Okay?"

I nodded and watched him walk off biting my lip hard. Blood welled up and filled my mouth with a coppery taste.

Okay. I just needed to get through the rest of the day without any suspicions from my friends and I would be alright. Right?

I sighed and ignored Mrs Godfrey's droning. I closed my eyes for a second and rubbed my temples.

Today was going to be a long one.

… **...**

" Think about the happiest moment of your life and how it may have or has changed your life for the better. You have fifteen minutes."

The sounds of binders being picked up off the floor, clicking open, and the rustling of papers filled the room.

Yet I didn't move a muscle.

My lip quivered and my breathing sped up. I took a couple deep breaths trying in vain not to hyperventilate and cry on the spot.

Okay. Okay. All I gotta do is think of another happy moment that doesn't involve Brady in the slightest.

Quickly I grabbed a piece of paper and sat with a pencil in my hand trying to decide what to write.

Okay happiest moment of my life.

Well that ballgame I went to.

When Gina got detention. I laughed a little at that.

When I hit Randy in the nose with a table and in the face with a pie.

When I got my first kiss.

When I finally got into my first relationship.

When I felt like someone loved me for me despite my flaws.

When we went on our first date to a carnival. I had so much fun.

When we cuddled under the stars one night and promised to be together forever.

My eyes widened and I pushed those thoughts away as far away as they would go into my mind. No. Not right now. Maybe later when I could relieve these painful yet beautiful and joyful memories in my bedroom secluded. Where I would cry myself to sleep. Then wake up and do it all over again.

Shaking my head, I proceeded to write some nonsense down not really paying attention. Setting my pencil down with a soft "click" against the table I leaned back.

That's when another memory attacked me.

 **June 12. 8:00 P.M**

 _The sky had turned a light shade of orange and yellow peaks of dark purple shining through. The sun was low on the horizon while people screamed in cheer enjoying the many rides and food that the carnival provided._

 _My feet slapped over the gravel in a rhythmic beat. I dug my face into some cotton candy and hummed in content as I looked over at Brady. His gaze was trained on the Ferris Wheel._

 _I took another bite of my cotton candy and tapped him on the shoulder._

" _You want to go on the Ferris Wheel before we leave?"_

 _He looked at me and smiled wide. He grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him his flip-flops clicking and clacking all over the gravel._

 _Once we reached the Ferris Wheel, we were both out of breath. Luckily the line wasn't to long. He dragged me over making me lose my grip on the cotton candy I had been previously eating._

 _It fell to the ground with a small splat and I whimpered sadly. " You made me drop my cotton candy!"_

 _He just laughed and rolled his eyes. " I'll buy you more before we leave okay."_

 _I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "Okay."_

 _We waited in line another couple of minutes. Then finally a blue cart was available._

 _A man who looked to be about twenty-five and was wearing a carnival uniform and his short hair was spiked smiled at us and motioned at us to get into the cart._

 _We both climbed in situating ourselves comfortably. Once everyone climbed onto the ride and the worker checked to make sure every door was closed tight, he walked over to the lever that controlled the ride and pulled it._

 _The ride jerked and slowly started going up. I leaned into Brady and gripped his arm head resting on his shoulder._

 _He wrapped an arm around my waist and put his cheek on my head. I suddenly felt the cart stop and sway a little. I took a glance out of the window and gasped a little from the beauty of it all._

 _From this height, I could see the sky darkening to a dark indigo that faded to a dark orange and a light yellow down below._

 _I could faintly see stars outlining the sky and I snuggled closer to Brady smiling as he rubbed my arm._

" _This is beautiful." I whispered._

 _I heard him chuckle and I could feel the rumble in his chest as he did. " Yeah it is. It's even better because I'm with you." He whispered back._

 _I blushed. " What do you think is up there? In the deep depths of space?"_

 _He hummed for a bit. " Who knows. Probably supernatural or totally normal."_

 _I hummed back in agreement._

" _I love you." he whispered._

 _I shot up and stared at him like he had just grown two heads. " What?"_

 _He smiled. " I. Love. You."_

 _I sat stunned for a minute then I smiled. I leaned forward and kissed him full on the lips. " I love you too. Don't you ever leave me."_

 _He laughed. " I wouldn't dream of it."_

" _Promise?" I said tilting my head to the side a small smile making it's way onto my face._

" _Promise." he said kissing me again._

 **End of Flashback**

" Time's up!" Mrs Clarke said.

I started shaking and tears sprung to my eyes. I didn't even try to stop them. Pushing back a strong sob that wanted to make it's way out of my throat, I shakily raised my hand.

" Yes Nate?"

Keeping my head down and trying to make sure my voice didn't quiver, I asked: " May I please go to the nurse? I'm not feeling very well."

She didn't say anything for a moment. " Well you do look a little pale. Go ahead Nate. I hope you feel better."

I wanted to tell her I would never feel better. This was pain that would never go away. Not unless he came back. Even then I knew he wouldn't. The boy I loved was gone.

But of course I didn't say that. I slowly made my way to the front of the class trying my hardest to ignore the stares being thrown my way including the concerned stares of my friends. I just grabbed my pass and ran out of the classroom as quickly as I could.

Running to the office, I walked in quietly and rang the bell to signal to Mrs Shipulski that I was here. She peered over her glasses and smiled at me. " Why hello Nate. Do you have an appointment with the principal? Did you get in trouble again?"

I shook my head. " Is it alright if I call my dad? I'm not feeling to great." I winced at how hoarse my voice sounded, but just didn't care at this point.

Mrs Shipulski looked a little surprised at the request, but nodded pushing the phone toward me. I grabbed the phone and dialed my fathers number listening to the dial tone signaling I was calling someone.

He answered on the third ring,

" Hello?"

" Hey dad it's me. Can you come pick me up?" I said gripping the phone tight.

I heard him pause a moment. " Why what happened?"

" I just don't feel that great dad. I told you coming to school wasn't a good idea." I said.

I heard him grunt over the phone and the something shifting which I figured was him getting up off the couch. " Alright Nate I'll come pick you up. I'm proud of you son."

I raised an eyebrow surprised. " Why?"

" For being so strong. Willing to come to school despite problems going on. Maybe next year you can get through a whole school day!" I hear him chuckle.

I couldn't help but chuckle back even if it was an empty one. " You had to force me."

He laughed. " That's not the point. I'm proud of you. I love you see you in five minutes."

" I love you too."

I hung up the phone and smiled at Mrs Shipulski. I made my way out of the office door and grabbed my things from my locker wearily. I walked back to the office to wait for my dad.

Five minutes passed until my dad walked into the deathly quiet office the only sounds being the ticking clock and the click clack of Mrs Shipulski typing away on her keyboard.

My dad signed me out and we walked together to the car. Opening the door, I chucked my bag in there and hopped in slamming the door behind me.

My dad came in seconds later shutting the door and sticking the key in the ignition. The car revved to life and we drove down the street.

We both didn't speak and I silently thanked him. I needed the silence.

I looked out the window watching as objects passed by in a blur blending colors together which made my eyes hurt.

I looked away and just closed my eyes listening to the quiet rumble of the car. I sank into the seat and let out a relaxed sigh.

I didn't even realize I fell asleep.

… **...**

I woke to my dark and musty smelling room. I sat up knocking the covers off of me and blanched at the feel of slept in clothes and a dry taste in my mouth.

I stretched and just curled my face into the pillow.

I miss him so much.

So much it's not even funny.

I took a glance at my bedside clock.

 _3;30 P.M_

School is out now. I wonder if my friends would come to see me.

I shrugged my shoulders and buried my face in my pillow. Doesn't matter to me.

I didn't get to think further on the matter, because at that moment my dad walked in to my room turning on the light.

I hissed and glared at him half-hardheartedly through my covered up eyes. He smiled a little at my attempt. " Get up Nate. There's some people who want to see you."

I looked up at him confused but nonetheless stood up and stretched my stiff muscles. Putting my hand in my red hoodie pockets. I headed downstairs and was thoroughly surprised to see my friends there. My dad motioned for me to sit down.

I sat in the little armchair we had and leaned back observing everyone's faces. There was two emotions I could make out clearly. Worry and concern.

Francis was the first one to speak up. " Nate why did you run out of the class crying earlier?"

I bit my lip and looked down. " I can't tell you."

Yet for some reason something in my brain told me to just tell them. That if I did maybe I wouldn't have to suffer alone for the rest of my days. That maybe I would always have a shoulder to cry on when needed.

I thought about it for a moment longer. Then I made my decision.

" Actually there is something I've been wanting to tell you guys." I said.

They all looked eager sitting on the edges of there seats to listen. I took a deep breath.  
" Okay once I start talking you can't interrupt me. Keep your questions until the end. So I guess we can start from the beginning. I had a boyfriend. His name was Brady. He was the sweetest guy you could possibly ask for. He had the deepest emerald green eyes and messy blonde hair I couldn't help but love. He loved me for me. He was absolutely perfect. I loved him with everything I had. He was a kind and gentle soul who loved animals and the environment. He was a big school freak like you Francis yet he knew how to have fun. And whenever I kissed him I would feel this powerful electricity I never got from anyone else. It was a shock that traveled through my veins like a fire. And I loved it. I loved him. We had been dating for less than a year when it happened."

I had to stop for a moment. I sniffled and wiped my eyes.

" He was driving with his dad down the freeway when some drunk driver slammed into there car and um killed them. His dad died instantly, but Brady managed to hold on for a couple days before he passed on too. Excessive internal bleeding. And you want to know the worst part? I never found out until after he died. So I never got to say goodbye. And the worst of it all was that he was coming to see me. Apparently he was going to surprise me by coming here."

I let out a sob burying my head into my hands. It only took me a few seconds to reign in control, but there were still tears streaming down my face.

" May 22. That's the day he died and the day a piece of me died with him. This is a day I mourn with a passion. I miss him so much. I can't even express how much I _miss him._ And I'll never get to tel him I'm sorry. Sorry that if maybe he hadn't come to see me, he would still be alive calling me and texting me everyday. Sorry that I never got to say goodbye. I bet he was in that hospital room all alone thinking how horrible of a person I was for not seeing him in the hospital. How horrible of a boyfriend I was."

I started shaking violently.

" I-I j-just w-wish I-I could say _how_ sorry I am!"

Then I burst into sobs unable to hold them back any longer. Just letting all the feelings I had tried my hardest to keep buried out not caring who was around.

I heard rushing of footsteps and people hugging me whispering comforting words in my ears.

And it was then that I realized that as long as I had my friends by my side I could get through this.

… **...**

 **Finally! 13 pages long and two days worth of time and I have to say I'm pretty satisfied. I just want to say I'm really sorry if Nate seems a little OOC but the feel I was going for was that despite hiding behind a mask of sarcasm that Nate has a more vulnerable softer side that mourns for someone no one but his family knows about. Soooooo please no flaming on him being OOC and shit. I know. That's really it. Please review! Bye!**


End file.
